Last night, at roughly 9:00, a feeling of calm, that zen-like feeling I have been seeking, finally hit.

It’d been a rough weekend.

My in-laws had come up, after having only JUST spent 5 days with them, for the weekend. Now, I love my in-laws, truly I do.

But…

I like being at home in my home. And the ability to walk out of my bedroom in bra and panties to peruse the laundry that’s still in the dryer for clothes to wear. Also, the freedom to have sex with my husband, wildly abandoning the fear of being indiscreet. Oh, and having children who listen to me…and while that one borders on fantasy, it does seem to me that they listen to me more when there isn’t an audience from whom they might receive attention, positive or negative.

Let’s elaborate more on that one, ok? Punkinhead has been a complete terror for the past week. Totally seeking out negative attention and generally being a bastardly, bi-polar, minion from hell. I love this little boy like no tomorrow, but this week I’m convinced he was a changeling, albeit of a later-blooming variety.

From wanting to marry me to screaming at me that he hated me and he wanted me killed to being kissy face with me to glowering at me while uttering, “You’wre the howrwriblest muddewr evewr!” And that’s just the verbal assaults. He kicked me, hit me. And hid from me when he was being punished.

He got soap in his mouth. Time outs. Some serious talking to’s. And several spankings.

Nothing seemed to work. And it wore on me. I was starting to feel like my life had just continued to spiral downward, and when the eff was my antidepressant going to kick in and take some of this shiz away?

But then Nana and Papa left to go home.

We ate dinner in relative peace.

The kids, somewhat pink from the sun and sprinklers that afternoon, sat and watched cartoons as Charlie Brown and I set out to plant the bounty of new plants we’d bought yesterday.

For an hour or so I freed up root bundles (so that the plant establishes itself in the new pot more thoroughly) and played in the dirt, planting flowers in my window boxes and front porch pots.

Punkinhead was crashed on the couch. Hard. I mean, the world could have come to an end and he still would have been in dreamland. I put him upstairs in his bed with nary a peep.

LMNOB was fairly easy to get into bed.

Charlie Brown and I picked up the yard tools in the backyard, admired our handiwork, and sat out in the cool summer breeze for awhile, chatting with our neighbor.

We went inside to the still cooler, air-conditioned house, and sat in front of the television for awhile. As I got up for a snack, I felt it hit me.

Calm.

Peace.

Satisfaction.

Accomplishment.

I told Charlie Brown, “You, know it’s just sort of eerie….it is within minutes.”

He was like, “Huh???”

I elaborated, “I just took my 14th pill…the package said, ‘2 weeks before noticeable change,’ and even today I was still foggy, but right now I feel calmer and clearer than I’ve felt in months.”

And already today, I’ve done more at work than I did in all of last week.

That feels good.

© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

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