For my mental state, this silly song’s chorus says it all.

Then, on one of my cd’s Big’N’Tall made me that I recently reacquainted myself with, I discovered Toby Lightman’s Everyday. Gosh, had she been living my life when she wrote this? Actually now that I’ve heard more of her stuff, I’m convinced she’s a mix of Sheryl Crow and myself. 😉

Every day is a struggle
Between what I want to say and
what I want to keep to myself
And the words that manage to leave my lips
Don’t hurt me, but they hurt everyone else
So I find myself in need of a pause
I’m not sure why, but I think that it’s because
Of this desire to be what others want me to be
Which is nothing close to me

But I’ll see better when the smoke clears

The smoke clears inside my head
And I can listen when the screaming doesn’t repeat
everything I’ve said
And all that remains is me and who I am at the end of the day
And this happens every day … yeah…

Every day is a battle

Between what I want to know
and what I don’t want to figure out
And everything in between in these thoughts of mine
that you know I can’t live without

So I find myself in need of a pause

I’m not sure why, but I think that it’s because
Of this desire to be what others want me to be
Which is nothing close to me

But I’ll see better when the smoke clears

The smoke clears inside my head
And I can listen when the screaming doesn’t repeat
everything I’ve said
All that remains is me and who I am at the end of the day
And this happens every day … yeah… oooh…

But I’ll see better when the smoke clears

The smoke clears inside my head
And I can listen when the screaming doesn’t repeat
everything I’ve said
All that remains is me and who I am at the end of the day
And this happens every day … this happens every day
This happens every day… yeah…

Umm, yeah, I actually had the below conversation with a friend yesterday:

Hey, don’t count us in Sunday night [for Life Group]….I want to get
_____’s room painted.

Well, friend, that doesn’t surprise me, seeing the priorities our group has
right now. Have fun.


It just really aggravates me right now, the complete self-centeredness abiding in the hearts of all around me – hey, that does include myself, too, FYI. I’m wanting and trying to do the right thing though, and it just seems like this is not much of a fight in the lives of so many around me.

Right now I’m sitting the fence as to whether this smoke is situational or a reprise of my depression. Thus far, I’m still getting up in the morning, and still caring for myself, albeit in the least time consuming manner – the girl is busy, folks!

In the mean time, I’m singing about the smoke clearing…sing on Toby girl….

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