Here I sit in life, trying to make sense of my plans gone astray, see and possibly understand God’s plan for my life, attempt a compromise of the two, or figure out if my life is to be something completely different. Melding the bumps of my past into smoothness for the future just isn’t happening.

[I just spelled happening h-a-p-p-i-n-i-n-g – that’s my brain these days, out of the blue fusions of random things like happiness and happening – doesn’t the Washington Post do a word contest like this? Maybe I should think some stuff up?!?]

Coincidence or Providence, whatever you personally believe in – I’m thinking Providence, focused my mind on the lyrics of this song (I know, ya’ll are probably like, Don’t you just listen to music without analyzing it?) as I was alternately deep in thought, strategizing my running rhythm, and actually hearing the music pulsing into my ears last night.

Wonder Of It All (Next Year)
Artist:
Monday Morning
Year: 2005
All my hopes and dreams inside
visions lurk behind my eyes
something new behind it grows
and You smile as my heart knows
to be another still with You
I’m the one that loved You through
but I’m still nothing next to You
I’m still nothing next to You
what I’ve seen and where I’ve been
what’s breaking out and breaking in
who I love and I despise melting into compromise
how I’ve changed and how I’ve learned
becoming less becoming more
and I’m still nothing next to you
I’m still nothing next to you
the sickness my mind’s battled long
the center of my every song
the beauty of my voice it fades
into a spiritual cascade
flowing from Your perfect smile
I’ve avoided all the while
but I’m still nothing next to you
I’m still nothing next to you
all the future seems unclear
never moving never near
but You hold me as I scream
wake me from my wicked dream
something out there waits for me
hand in hand we wait
for it
but I’m still nothing next to You
I’m still nothing without to You
and the wonder of it all
is I’m still standing
and the wonder of it all
is we’re still standing
never planned it
and I wonder where I’ll be next year
will You stand right next to me
will You hold me faithfully
should I question all these things
what makes me so deserving
of something that I’ve thrown away
coming back for me today
when I’m still nothing next to You
I’m still nothing next to You
hearts are broken just to mend
when will my brokenness end
lending my mind to dreams it seems
some things are never meant to be
but faith it lingers as I die
inside surrendering I cry
I’m still nothing next to You
I’m still nothing without You
time is a broken dream
time is an endless change
time is an offering
time has an endless sting
time has a world to bring
time, it’s a broken dream mended while lovers sing
Did they steal my brain? Does this mean I’m, *gasp* , NORMAL?!?
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